Statistics Lessons...

I HATE math! I've always hated it, I will never change my mind about it, and yet, it keeps coming back into my life... Math is the reason I just about didn't graduate college, its the reason I chose a Masters that didn't require it, and it's the reason that I just about dropped out of my doctorate degree... Knowing how I feel about math I decided that I would be mature and proactive and take my statistics class and get it out of the way. Haha, that worked out well... ;) Don't get me wrong, I didn't fail the class, I think I might have actually gotten an A, but it has been a painful 7 weeks of my life. For the last 7 weeks I have had statistics on my brain, I have thought about it while I was out with my friends, watching movies, teaching my students, and unfortunately, while I was sleeping. That's right, I had nightmares about Stats, it was horrible! Thank goodness I'm stubborn and I refused to lose to Stats, and that I have a great friend who actually understands the content... I managed to make it through the class, and I'm even done my work 5 days ahead of schedule, which is impressive for my procrastinating self. So, while I'm sitting here trying to recover from the class I was thinking about lessons that I could learn, because, well let's be honest, I didn't learn anything from the class...

The first thing I thought about was... What kind of a Christian would I be if I thought about Christ and His love as much as I thought about Stats? What impact would I have made on the people in my life if I was as consumed with Christ as I was with Stats? Not easy questions to ask, and even harder to admit that at times I am more consumed with Stats then with my amazing and loving Savior... How sad. Secondly, what character lessons have I gone through and been strengthened in during this class. My determination and resolve to finish the things that I start and finish them well have definitely been stretched and strengthened through this class. I can't tell you how many times I wanted to quit and give up, but I also know myself well enough to know that I would have been disappointed in myself if I had. So, as much as I can't believe I'm saying this, I'm thankful that I had to take this ridiculous class and that I finished it. Believe me, the fact that both things are true are miracles, and all I can say is... Praise the Lord!!!

Giving thanx on Turkey day...

Happy THANKSgiving!!! This year's Thanksgiving was a little different for me, there was no smelling the turkey cooking, no Macy's parade, no watching football, no big turkey dinner, and no trying to create a reason for not doing the dishes... Instead, I was in the car with my parents and brother for 6 hours driving through North Carolina trying to stay awake since I had driven to Ohio the night before and I was going on 4 hours of sleep. I decided that I was going to list everything that I was thankful for, and it wasn't long before I was asleep. Not because I'm not thankful, but mainly because I was only going on 4 hours of sleep... :)

I'm beyond thankful for God and His love for me. We've been through the ringer this year and I'm sad to say that there were many times I was disappointed, frustrated, mad, and feeling that God was so far away. Even though I've been through those emotions I've come to the conclusion that God loves me and has great plans for me! They may not be the plans that I had for me, but they're better than what I had, and I'm embracing them with open arms.

I'm so thankful for friends and family who love Jesus. They serve as inspirations and examples to me of the life and relationship that I want to have with Jesus. They constantly challenge and support me in my desire to change my life and pursue Jesus, no matter the cost. How amazing is it to be able to sit and have a conversation with any of my closest friends about what Jesus is teaching me and how I'm falling more in love with Him every day, and they get it!?!

There are so many other things that I'm thankful, but well, my attention span is shot, so it would just be a bunch of ramblings... Basically, I choose to focus on the amazing things that I have in my life and be thankful for all that I have the priviledge to have and be a part of.

Obsession at it's greatest...

People who are obsessed with Jesus give freely and openly, without censure. Obsessed people love those who hate them and who can never love them back... People who are obsessed with Jesus aren't consumed with their personal safety and comfort above all else. Obsessed people care more about God's kingdom coming to this earth than their own lives being shielded from pain or distress... People who are obsessed with Jesus live lives that connect them with the poor in some way or another. Obsessed people believe that Jesus talked about money and the poor so often because it was really important to Him... Obsessed people are more concerned with obeying God than doing what is expected or fulfilling the status quo. A person who is obsessed with Jesus will do things that don't always make sense in terms of success or wealth on thie earth... A person who is obsessed with Jesus knows that the sin of pride is always a battle. Obsessed people know that you can never be "humble enough," and so they seek to make themselves less known and Christ more known... People who are obsessed with Jesus do not consider service a burden. Obsessed people take joy in loving God by loving His people... People who are obsessed with God are known as givers, not takers. Obsessed people genuinely think that others matter as much as they do, and they are particularly aware of those who are poor around the world... A person who is obsessed thinks about heaven frequently. Obsessed people orient their lives around eternity; they are not fixed only on what is here in front of them... A person who is obsessed is characterized by committed, settled, passionate love for God, above and before every other thing and every other being... People who are obsessed are raw with God; they do not attempt to mask the ugliness of their sins or their failures. Obsessed people don't put it on for God; He is their safe place, where they can be at peace... People who are obsessed with God have an intimate relationship with Him. They are nourished by God's Word throughout the day because they know that forty minutes on Sunday is not enough to sustain them for a whole week, especially when they will encounter so many distractions and alternative messages... A person who is obsessed with Jesus is more concerned with his or her character than comfort. Obsessed people know that true joy doesn't depend on circumstances or environment; it is a gift that must be chosen and cultivated, a gift that ultimately comes from God... A person who is obsessed with Jesus knows that the best thing he can do is be faithful to his Savior in every aspect of his life, continually saying "Thank You!" to God. An obsessed person knows there can never be intimacy if he is always trying to pay God back or work hard enough to be worthy. He revels in his role as child and friend of God...


Crazy Love by Francis Chan... AWESOME!!! :)

Passionate Dedication

This morning I had the absolute priviledge of observing the most amazing baptismal service I have ever been to. I grew up in the church, I've seen plenty of people be baptized, and I've been baptized myself, but never have I been brought to tears like I was today. It was amazing to hear the stories of the people being baptized, listen to what God means to them, and then see them be surrounded by their friends and families as they made a public declaration that God is the most important thing to them...

Over the last few months I have come to know and love God in a much different way than I ever have before, and it is because of that change that I saw the absolute beauty of today's baptism service. I've always thought it was an important step and I love my own baptism story, but I now realize how intimate and special it is. I'm so thankful for a loving God who loves me and desires a passionate and deep relationship with me!

In love... <3

I love Jesus! Like, really really love him. I always had a 'plan' for my life, and other than having a cat nothing has turned out the way that I expected it to... But that doesn't bother me because I know that I have followed God's leading in my life and that every day I'm falling more in love with Him. The other stuff doesn't really matter... Not that I don't have hopes and dreams, because I do, but they all pale in comparison to my desire to know Jesus more intimately and to live my life for him. I'm so thankful for his unconditional love and presence in my life, even when I get distracted or turn away from Him. My hope and prayer is that every day I fall more in love with my Savior and that it is evident to the people around me...

Leaving it all behind...

Sometimes God gives and takes away, and you know what, it's painful. It's never easy to walk away from a situation or person, and you will always leave a peace of you behind, but there is something absolutely refreshing about knowing that you're moving forward and leaving your past behind. I'm so thankful for the people that God has brought into my life, and even though some come and go, they all play an important part in who I am. I believe that we have a choice to be thankful and grow from a situation or to wallow in self-pity and blame others for the pain that we go through. I'm so thankful that I serve a God who has great plans for my life, and I will rejoice in that! :)

true passionate love

I love Jesus! That's seriously the best phrase that I can use to describe myself to anyone right now. Life isn't so great, it's got its ups and downs, its struggles and joys, and really none of that matters compared to my relationship with God. I was talking to a friend tonight and I realized, again, that I had gotten focused on me and my problems, and taken my focus off of God and His love for me. At least I'm realizing it sooner and I know what to do to fix it... I hit the floor on my knees and beg God to transform me and for Him to be the center of my life. I need to remember that my focus is to remain on God and Heaven, and that everything I do here is to glorify Him and show His love to others. I am called to love God and love others, and I will live my life to follow those commandments. That doesn't mean I wont fail and I wont have to go back and make ammends, but it means that I will strive to be closer to Jesus daily and that I will strive to live my life so that He and His glory shines! Praise the Lord that He is forgiving and that He loves us more than we can ever imagine, and with His help we can become the people that He created us to be...

Ministry opportunities...

Every morning while I'm lying in bed, hitting the snooze, trying to decide if I really want to go to work, I have a morning chat with God. I've recently started asking that He use me at some point that day. I don't really care what it is, it can be something big or small, but just that I would reflect His love to someone at some point that day. And you know what? He has answered that prayer almost every day. It's been amazing to me how many people I have been able to stop and help with something, and I know that I have made their load a little lighter. Or, I've taken a few minutes to encourage or tell someone I'm praying for them, and then they walked away with a smile... I'm so thankful that God has enabled me to see people's pain and have a compassionate heart to help them. It's nothing that I have done, it's been God using me as a tool. Isn't it great that He is willing to use our imperfect selves to show His perfect love to the world? So, my challenge to myself and you is to change your world by loving one person at a time, you will be amazed at the difference it makes!

A millisecond

I have a confession. Well, actually 2... One is that I don't know how to spell millisecond, so let's hope that phonics worked for me. Second is that I'm extremely self-centered. Now, I care about people and I genuinely try to do what I can to help them, but what it really comes down to at the end of the day is me and my problems. That doesn't work out so well as a Christian who is commanded to love God and then others, and as a kicker... as we want to be treated. There have been countless times in my life, and probably today, where I didn't react to someone or take the time to show my love and Christ's love to them because I was too busy trying to get my stuff done. That's flat-out wrong and a sin, I'm supposed to love people, not just love them when I have a free minute.

I'm reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan, and wow, that book is in my face! That man is blunt and I like it! Today I was reading about how the world is kind of like a movie and who really is the central character in that movie, and guess what, it's not me... He talks about how God was the one who was around when the earth was created, God was around when the earth flooded because of disobedience, God chose Abraham to be the father of nations, God was the one who sent Jesus to earth to die for our sins, and God is the one who controls everything. Our lives in comparison to God are but a millisecond... I mean, I think I'm a big deal, but I wasn't around for any of those things... The next part is the best, he asks, "so, what does this mean to you?" His answer-that I need to get over myself! So true, so blunt, and so needed to be heard.

When I start focusing on my problems and my issues it completely takes the focus off of God. Ultimately, it doesn't matter if I get married, if I finish my doctorate, or if I die in a car accident tomorrow; the only thing that matters is if I lived my life for Christ and if I made a difference for His kingdom. Chan makes the statement in chapter 2 that no one will know who I was 50 years after I died, and while that hurts to hear, it's true. So, I need to get over my defeated attitude, and understand that yes, God does love me and cares about my hurts, but the most important thing is that I'm living my life for him.

So, if you're hurting right now, please read and believe these words... "Life is tough right now, and everything feels like a struggle. God has allowed hard things in your life so you can show the world that your God is great and that knowing Him brings peace and joy, even when life is hard. Like the psalmist who wrote, "I saw the prosperity of the wicked... Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure... When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me till I entered the sanctuary of God" (Ps. 73:3, 13, 16-17). It is easy to become disillusioned with the circumstances of our lives compared to others'. But in the presence of God, He gives us a deeper peace and joy that transcends it all."

Lukewarm Water

Have you ever drank coffee/tea/hot chocolate etc. that was just warm and wasn't hot? It probably didn't taste all that great and I'm sure it didn't warm you up as you had hoped. If you're like me then you probably put it in the microwave to heat up a little bit more. Or, on the other end of that spectrum, have you just been craving a cold glass of water (pepsi for me!) and then it ends up being room temperature and gross? Well, I'm always heating up or putting more icecubes in my drinks to make them the perfect temperature, and it has become very clear to me over the last few weeks that is how God felt when he said that He would rather us (Christians) be cold or hot instead of lukewarm...

Yesterday in church the pastor dealt with the issue of lukewarm Christians, and wow, was I convicted and challenged! As I reflected on Rev. 3:15-16 yesterday I was shocked and appalled to realize how apathetic and lukewarm I had become in my life and my relationship with God. I had become so focused on my 'life' that I completely took my focus off of God and that's a dangerous place to be. Unfortunately, it is often a dark and painful process to realize that you've gotten away from God and then to begin the journey back to a passionate and deep relationship with Him. The last few months have been a process of God stripping away everything that I found my security in, and leaving me with only Him... It's sucked, big time, but I'm so thankful that I have been through this time in my life. God has shown himself in such passionate and demonstrative ways in my life that has led me to the point where I fall more and more in love with Him every day. It is so sad for me to look back on where I was 2 months ago, 6 months ago, or even a year ago. I completely missed the point and I would say that the word that best described me is 'lukewarm'. Praise God that He is forgiving and always willing to bring us back to Him and show us the plan that He has for our life and how we can live passionate lives for Him. So, I'm alligning my life and my focus on being hot for Jesus and living my life so that I can say that everything I have done is for His glory!

The Simple Life...

I love simple things and a simple life... I have finally had a whole week off with no homework or even thinking about school, and I have LOVED it! I'm so tired of school, and yes, I realize that I have about 5 years left... It is the dream of being able to teach college one day that keeps me going, and of course, just getting it over with and not having to be a student ever again. Anyways, I have loved being able to come home and just relax, and then having a Saturday where I could do whatever I want! Seriously, my day was fantastic! I slept in, got some stuff done around the house, hung out with friends, and never once worried about getting my homework done by Sunday night.

I'm so thankful for the blessings that God has brought into my life... a great job I love, the opportunity to further my education, my health, my family, my friends, my house, etc. All of the simple things that we have the tendency to overlook. I used to have all of these grandious plans for my life, and maybe its just me getting older, but I really just want a simple life. I want a family of my own that I can hang out with on a Friday night with a pizza and a movie. I want a church where I can serve and the people who go there are my 'family'. I want a house that is full of love and laughter. I want my friends to know that I will always be there for them. I want people to see the love of Jesus in my life. I want for my students to know that I will do everything I can to help them become successful students and contribution to society. I don't need to change the world, I don't need to be remembered by millions; I just want to love Jesus and show His love to the world...

Joy vs. Happiness

I used to think there was no real difference between joy and happiness, boy was I wrong. Over the last few months I have come to realize the vast difference between these two things. Happiness is based on our human emotions in reaction to our situation and the people around us. Joy is based purely on a deep and satisfying relationship with Jesus. I can truly say that I didn't have a lot of joy in my life before; I thought I did, but I didn't really know what it was. I'm so thankful to have gone through pain during the last few months to bring me to my knees and bring me to the point where I have experienced raw and real joy in my life. There is nothing like it! I know that regardless of what I face in my life I can choose to have joy because I am absolutely confident that God loves me and that I can have a relationship with Him, regardless of the struggles I'm going through. So, if you're having a rough day remember that joy is your choice and you simply have to open your heart to Christ and allow Him to fill your life with joy!

In love with a vampire...

Yes, I will admit it... I'm in love with Edward Cullen! I have totally jumped on the Twilight bandwagon and I'm so okay with that! :) I just bought my ticket to go see New Moon at midnight the night it comes out, and I'm so excited!!! I hated the first movie, but I have hope for the 2nd one... No idea how I'm going to get up to go to work the next morning, but I don't care, it's totally worth it. Can't wait to spend some quality time with my favorite vampire in just a few short weeks... :)

Music to the soul...

I love music! Now, I will be the first person to tell you that I have no idea who sings anything or what it's called, unless its Rascal Flatts, but I still love all kinds of music. I had a brutal meeting after work, and so needless to say I wasn't in the greatest of moods when I was doing my long drive home. I had a choice. I could either stew in my bad mood and all of the reasons that my co-workers pissed me off, or I could roll down my windows, enjoy the beautiful weather, and blast my praise & worship music... What do you think I chose? It's amazing how much my mood changed after a few minutes of enjoying God's beautiful scenery and worshiping Him for who He is. Even though I try to live my life for Him and ensure that He's a part of my day, I still lose focus and become centered on my problems and the "important" things that matter to me... How amazing is it that even though we continually push God aside He still loves us and is always welcoming us back into His loving arms. I'm so thankful for a loving God who constantly pursues a relationship with me and has plans for me that are even greater than I can imagine or dream of for myself. All I'm called to do is love and worship Him, and trust His leading in my life. Simple, right? Not really, but I'll keep playing that praise music and falling more in love with Jesus each and every day... :)

joy in the small things

I love having a dad and brother that are contractors! I went to work this morning leaving behind a cold, drafty house with old windows and I came home to 4 new windows and my living room was warm! :) I love being able to sit here without needing a sweatshirt and a blanket, and I have a feeling that I'm going to love my electric bill... I'm so thankful for the people and the blessings that God has placed in my life. I realize how quickly things can come and go in my life, so I'm choosing to be thankful now and live in the moment of each blessing that God has bestowed upon me...

staying away from the flame...

I had an epiphany yesterday... I'm actually pretty proud of myself.

A few weeks ago I got the bright idea that I would get a kitten, not one of my smartest ideas ever. Don't get me wrong, I love Moxy, but I had no idea what I was getting myself into... I truly have never seen an animal that had so much energy or curiousity; she's making my hair turn grey! She can get into 5 different things while I walk into the kitchen to get a drink, and she pretty much destroys whatever she gets into... Her favorite snack over the last few weeks is our electrical cords, so I'm pretty much terrified that she is going to burn my house down. Which would be ironic because my boyfriend is a firefighter and he's not the biggest cat fan... Anyways, yesterday she decided that the lit candle on the table beside the couch was going to be what she investigated, and she stuck her face in a burning candle twice before I could get to her! I had to spray her with the water bottle and then smack her to keep her away from danger. She didn't understand why she was getting in trouble, but in order to protect her I had to punish her and actually physically remove her from where she could be hurt. Are you figuring out my epiphany yet?!?

How many times does God protect me from danger by "punishing" me or actually removing me from a situation? Now, I'm not saying that God sprays us with a spray bottle, but maybe He warns us be putting up road blocks or taking away things that we took for granted or counted on. I think there are multiple times that God protects us from physical, emotional, and mental danger, and we never even know about it. I need to remember that I can't see the whole big picture and that God can; maybe He's saving me from something painful in the future that I would have to deal with if I continued down the same path. So, I'm going to be thankful for the roadblocks in my life that I encounter because those could be tools that God is using to protect or re-direct me.

God's Plans

I know it can feel like a cliche when people say, "don't worry, God's got it all under control," but its so true and very relevant to each one of our lives... My life verse is Jeremiah 29:11 and it says... "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for distaster, to give you a future and a hope." How awesome is that? God's got a plan, and its for good. Where do I sign up for that? I think so often we go through hard times and assume that God has left us or doesn't care about our pain, but I think its the complete opposite of that. I think that He allows us to go through those times in order to stretch us and to purify us. I don't necessarily enjoy the process of being refined, but I'm thankful for it. Who wants to be stagnant and never grow nor change? That's a sad life to live...

So, I'm choosing to trust every word of God's love letter to me, and believe that He does have good planned for my life, He wants to protect me from disaster, He wants to give me a future and He wants to give me hope. Can a promise get any better than that?

Patience Smatience...

I hate patience! Now, don't get me wrong, I think its a good thing, but I don't like going through the process of getting any... Over the last few months I have gone through a lot of struggles and issues, basic *crap*, and it's been amazing to me how many times people have commented on my patience. I always laugh because patience is the one things I have refused to pray for and ask God to bless me with... Patience is a lesson that you can only learn by going through difficult situations and getting no result or change; at least that's the way I see it...

Even though I don't like patience I completly understand the importance of it and even more amazingly, I understand why God felt I needed some and decided to allow me to go through this stress and shape my patience. I don't get why I struggle with patience, I know that God has a plan for my life and He knows exactly what I'm going to do and where I'm going to go, so why am I not content to wait for Him to show me exactly what He wants out of my life?

Right now I feel like I'm sitting like a duck on open waters, just waiting for something to happen and its very frustrating to me; I don't sit, if I need to do something or I want something, I get up, work my butt off and make it happen. Definitely learning the importance of sitting down, shuting up, and waiting... aka, patience. And you know what? I'm really enjoying the scenery along the way. I'm a pretty busy person, I got a lot on my plate, and I had become so focused on everything I have to do that I stopped seeing the beauty of my journey, like the environment, my blessings, my relationship with God, my friends, family, and students. To be honest with you, they actually sometimes felt like hinderances and roadblocks because to spend time focusing on them and their pain was taking away from getting my stuff done. How horrible is that for someone that is commanded to love God and then love others!?!

So, as strange as this sounds coming from me, I'm thankful for my lessons in patience and I'm actually glad I have gone through them. Don't get me wrong, I would be really happy if they ended today, but until they do, I will enjoy the journey...

Coffee and Friends...

Ok, I have a confession... I'm a coffee snob. I don't like just plain ordinary coffee, unless of course it has some yummy flavored creamer in it, and lots o'it! My idea of coffee is that yummy mocha or latte that costs more than a gallon of gas, or lets be honest, 2 gallons of gas. I don't care that its a waste of money and I could make coffee at home cheaper, I like it, and I like it a lot. Now that I've admitted one of my vices I will tell you that I don't get my favorite kind of coffee often because I do have a mortgage and car payment to make, and I don't have tons of extra money around to make Mr. Coffee man rich. So when I do get to get one of the world's greatest enjoyments I like to make it a big deal, and I like to share that momentous time in my life with someone special to me...

I heard one time that someone could consider themselves lucky if they had enough really truly good friends to count on one hand. In a lifetime. Wow, unless you are a 20 finger freak, that's not a whole lot of friends... Makes me extremely thankful for the people that God has placed in my life. I love my friends, and i'm so thankful to have them, imperfections and all. How blessed am I to know that I have a number of friends that I could go to that are going to encourage me in my walk with Christ and constantly strive to point my life towards Him and His plans!?! While there are some areas of my life where I wonder if God has forgotten about me, I know that He has placed some of the strongest and most faithful people in my life, and I'm who I am because of their influence. I only hope that they can say that I stood as an example to them and encouraged them in their walk with Christ.

So thankful that I'm a 20 finger freak...

God's Power

So often I feel that God can't or wont do what I desperately pray He will, and that drives me insane; why do I feel that way? Is it because I don't trust Him or His will for my life? Is it because I think I make better decisions than He does? Is it because I feel that He's let me down before?

No, I don't think its any of these things. While those thoughts have definitely crossed my mind at some point, I know that God has great plans for my life and I trust that He will bring those things to pass when its His time. I have no doubt that my decisions cannot even begin to compare to the decisions and plans He has for me, so I know that if I ran my life I would totally screw it up... Been there, done that before, and definitely not willing to go there again! :)

I really think that the reason I doubt God is because I forget and lose sight of His amazing power. I mean, come on, He created the world in less than a week! I'm impressed with myself if I can get my laundry done in a week, and He created the whole universe! How is it possible that I think He can't handle my problems?!? How many times do I not fall to my knees before my Lord and Savior and beg Him to lead my life and handle my problems because I forget His strength and think that I need to handle this stuff on my own... Definitely humbling to think about His great power in comparison to the power that I think I have in my own life. Praise the Lord that He continually reminds me of His power and the fact that I'm designed to allow Him to lead my life. If only I could constantly remember that...